Depressed yet Blessed

Two posts in two days, crazy I know.

Depression isn't talked about very much. And it should be. I think I'm going to do a series on it. This is my second post about this subject.

Almost 4 years ago, my grandma passed away to cancer. My whole family's lives were effected by this. There was nothing that anyone of us could do for anyone. Each of us had our people that comforted us for the time being. Honestly, most of those people aren't a part of any of our lives any more and if they are, they aren't as big of a part.

If you have never been depressed or know someone who has been depressed, which I think is very rare, it's hard. You have a desire to be happy. In my case, I wanted to be alone all the time but at the same time I had a huge fear of being alone. I didn't want to be alone but I didn't want anyone to be bothered by my sadness. I would just want to sleep all the time. If I wasn't sleeping, I was eating.

 At 16 my life changed dramatically by divorce. My life continues to change. Just in the past year, my mom got a boyfriend, and my dad got married. It was hard for me to process everything and it got rushed by my parents moving on so quickly. I'm still not sure if I have processed all of it. It all just happened so fast. It was unexpected and I tried to deny it for the longest time. I held onto every single hope I could find that my parents would get back together, and unfortunately they never did. Weddings were hard. Graduation is going to be hard. My wedding and raising my kids will not be what I had envisioned it as when I was growing up. I basically have to start over on what I thought the rest of my life would look like. But God has a plan.

Two Christmases ago, I would have never thought that it would be the last Christmas I spent with both of my parents under the same roof. I still try to see both of them on Christmas but it's difficult with them living so far away from each other. Last Christmas I was still living with my dad. This Christmas I have to drive 50 minutes to one parent and 1 hour 15 minutes to the other.

Things have been said to me or about me to others that have gotten back to me that ultimately hurt me. People are trying to help but they do more damage. The intention is well I know but people with depression need to be approached about their depression and their actions while depressed very carefully. They are trying to do the best they can under their circumstances.

I gained friends that had gone through depression before and I thought they would help me when unfortunately they did more damage than my friends who haven't been depressed. They were the ones who would tell me "just try and be happy". Believe me, I wanted to be happy just as much as you wanted me to. I am so very blessed to have the friends who have loved depressed Dakota just as much as they love happy Dakota.

God has blessed me with so many new relationships through this hard time. I honestly didn't thank him enough.

Depression made me a very self centered person. I didn't want anyone's help. I didn't want God's help either. But as soon as I turned back to Him, He slowly started to change things. He changed my living situation. He changed my work place. He changed my church. He changed my family. Sometimes I don't agree with what He is doing but i can look back know and see that he is doing good. I will look back on today in a couple months or years and I'll be able to see the good that he is doing right now.

I'm not sure why He keeps putting it on my heart to write about my depression but I'm sure I'll see why one day.

A lot of this I have never really opened up about before. I guess it's just easier for me to type and blog about than it is to read about. But I'm okay with that.

Thanks for reading.

Much love and God bless,
Dakota

Depression

Typically, I only blog about orphans.... Tonight, there is something different on my heart. It's actually became a part of me... Who knows if I'll actually end up publishing this post, but if you're reading this, I must have...
Disclaimer: I'm not posting this for attention, in fact it's the last thing I want. I am posting this so other people know they are not alone because I felt that way the whole time I've been depressed.

Depression, it is in fact a real thing. People can impact you in a way that puts you into a deep sadness and then other people can bring you out of that deep sadness, sometimes it's temporary and sometimes is permanent.

The people around me have recently been telling me that I'm a lot happier. It's not that I wasn't happy before, but I was pretending to be happy. Maybe I was pretending to be happy for myself and maybe I was pretending to be happy for others. But today, I can say that I am genuinely happy. There are several people that I can thank for that but that's a whole different post. Some people tell me that it's just the time of year, being Christmas and all, but I don't think it has anything to do with that because I am not even in the Christmas spirit this year. I don't know why.

I can link most of my depression to my parents divorce. But other things such as bullying, abandonment, break-ups have made it much worse. Divorce is not easy. In my case, it was something I never saw coming and wished that I would wake up one day and have it be a terrible nightmare but that never happened.

During the past 2 years, people have tried to pull me out of this depression but really, it gave me anxiety because I wanted to please them and I just couldn't. They would say things like "you're not the person you used to be" and "don't let something like that bother you, just be happy and ignore it like everyone else does". Those things broke me down.

Through this I have found out who genuinely cared about me and who didn't. I've lost relationships I'd never thought I'd lose and gained relationships that I never thought I'd gain. And now I can look back and say that I am happy that that happened. I'm okay with loosing those people. I now know the people who actually do care. Who want to be a part of my life whether I am happy or sad. And I can't thank God enough for those people.

Multiple people who I didn't think would ever hurt me put me into this depression. It was a long two years and in fact, I'm not fully out of this depression, I'm not sure when I will be. God is working through me and through other people to work on me and my heart to make sure I will be happy again. I am happy right now. This has been a learning process.

I am here to let you know that if you are struggling with depression, you are not the only one. I am here to listen to you and to pray for you. Depression got the best of me for over 2 years. I don't want anyone to experience that.

I have never actually been diagnosed with depression. But there is something about depression that someone knows about themselves that they know when they are depressed.

Alright, I'm done ranting. Feel free to comment, email (ayoungmissionarysheart97@gmail.com) and id be happy to help you.

God bless and much love,
Dakota

Thanksgiving and some Updates

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have so many many things to be thankful for this year. I am only going to list a few things that I am thankful for in this post, but note that I could write a novel on just things that I am thankful for.

• Jesus, my Lord and Savior for suffering so that I won't have to
• The caring heart that God has given me to care so much for these orphans
• All of my supporters in this blog and of my fundraising and Angel Tree
• That I am alive and healthy
• I am celebrating this holiday with people I love and who love me
• my job
• That I am capable of typing this post while bouncing a baby in his bouncy seat
• google (heehee)
• and many many many more

Updates!!!

I had my shooting competition on November 14th and we raised $640 which was split between Nicholas and Marlowe. We also had a chili cook off on November 22nd and we raised $161 which has yet to be put into their accounts because I haven't made it to the bank yet. 

I could not do this without all of your prayers and support. Please continue to support and pray as you feel led. 

If you would like to donate to either Nicholas or Marlowe you can here:

Marlowe: http://reecesrainbow.org/1144/marlowe-b-390

Nicholas: http://reecesrainbow.org/66622/nicholas-2

I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU!!!!!!

Have a happy happy Thanksgiving!!!

Angel Tree 2015

Finally. Finally it almost my favorite time of year again. It is so close that I can almost taste it. Just kidding, that would be kinda weird. Anyways, this years Reece's Rainbow Angel Tree starts in just 3 days!!! And I am super pumped about it. 

This year, I have agreed to raising $1000 for not only one but two boys with Down syndrome. Marlowe and Nicholas have already got me wrapped around their little fingers.

Nicholas is four years old. He is physical developmentally on target for his age. He plays well with others and walks while holding onto something. He is very responsive and would THRIVE in a family.

Marlowe is fourteen years old. He has Down Syndrome, Inborn cardiac malformation – persisting arterial channel, Lung hypertonia, Severe lagging behind in his development. He walks with help from an adult. Marlowe is nonverbal. He is a very calm young man. 

All donations between November 1st and December 31st count towards the $1000 goal I have to raise for each child. 

All donations go directly to their adoption grants that will be accessible by the family that commits to adopting them.

If you make a donation of $35 of more you can get an ornament with a picture of them on it. 

I have God on my side for this and I have no doubt that He won't get me through this. He put it on my heart to do it and He will get me through it. 

If this is your first time reading my blog, Reece's Rainbow is an orphan advocacy site advocating specifically for orphans with special needs. Every year they do an Angel Tree which is just a way of fundraising for the children's adoption grant. This is my third year in a row doing it and I just love it. I have reached my goal every year so far. God gave me a burden to help the fatherless and this is one of my favorite ways to work through that burden. 

Come back soon!

God Bless,

Dakota

Another Tee-Shirt

I am still warrior-ing for the Chaves Family. I have done one shirt fundraiser and just launched another one today. This one is great for fathers day. Our goal for this fundraiser is 25 shirts. There are unisex shirts, womens fitted shirts, youth shirts, sweat shirts, and long sleeve shirts. I know it is getting warm outside here so it is time to treat yourself with a new teeshirt. This one is perfect. Grab one for you and one for your husband or daddy.

https://www.bonfirefunds.com/be-strong

Two year Blog-avirsary

Two years ago today, I started this blog, with two missions. One, to raise money for my first mission trip, two years ago. And two, to raise awareness for orphans with special needs. I did both of those things. Since I started this blog,

• I went on one mission trip fully funded by friends and family's generous hearts
• I went on another mission trip funded by myself
• Got a job
• Salome found a family
• Nathaniel found a family
• I was a successful Angel Tree warrior for Silvia and Leilani
• Had two successful t-shirt fundraisers
• My relationship with Christ blossomed
• Rita found a family
• Collier found a family
• Simon and Samuel found a family
• Silvia is no longer available for adoption
• Brenton has a family
• Emil has found a family

And these are just the kids that I advocated for here on this blog. God works in amazing ways.

Currently, I am the family warrior for the Chaves family whom are adopting Nathaniel/Zebadiah. Next year, I will be able to add that to my list of things that I have successfully done.

I cannot wait to see even more kids find families in the next year. God works in amazing ways and I can't wait to see how God works in my life and others life in the next year. I hope that my blog will change someones life. Open the eyes of the world to what actually goes on inside the walls of an orphanage. An orphanage of children with special needs. 

When I found out what actually found out what goes on inside the walls of orphanages for children with special needs my life completely changed. One hundred percent changed. For the better. I have met so many amazing people who have the same ultimate goal as me. Finding families for orphans with special needs and bringing them home as fast as we can. 

Can't wait to see what God is going to do within the next year. :) 

URGENT!!!! NEED OF A FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know, every orphan urgently needs a family. But this one, in my opinion, needs a family ASAP. The care takers in his orphanage have put him in a MEDICATION SLEEP because he has frequent seizures. He need out to get the medicine that can control the seizures but not make him sleep all the time. This little boy is Christian. Christian is four years old. It is quite possible that he has been sleeping for all four years of his life. He has Congenital brain malformation, epileptic syndrome with frequent polymorphic seizures, cranial bones deformation, chest deformation, knee- and elbow-joints contracture. That is a long list of disabilities but it is manageable. Please pray for this sweet little boy. Christian needs a family. Pray for any families who may be considering him, that they will feel led to bring him home.