Depression

Typically, I only blog about orphans.... Tonight, there is something different on my heart. It's actually became a part of me... Who knows if I'll actually end up publishing this post, but if you're reading this, I must have...
Disclaimer: I'm not posting this for attention, in fact it's the last thing I want. I am posting this so other people know they are not alone because I felt that way the whole time I've been depressed.

Depression, it is in fact a real thing. People can impact you in a way that puts you into a deep sadness and then other people can bring you out of that deep sadness, sometimes it's temporary and sometimes is permanent.

The people around me have recently been telling me that I'm a lot happier. It's not that I wasn't happy before, but I was pretending to be happy. Maybe I was pretending to be happy for myself and maybe I was pretending to be happy for others. But today, I can say that I am genuinely happy. There are several people that I can thank for that but that's a whole different post. Some people tell me that it's just the time of year, being Christmas and all, but I don't think it has anything to do with that because I am not even in the Christmas spirit this year. I don't know why.

I can link most of my depression to my parents divorce. But other things such as bullying, abandonment, break-ups have made it much worse. Divorce is not easy. In my case, it was something I never saw coming and wished that I would wake up one day and have it be a terrible nightmare but that never happened.

During the past 2 years, people have tried to pull me out of this depression but really, it gave me anxiety because I wanted to please them and I just couldn't. They would say things like "you're not the person you used to be" and "don't let something like that bother you, just be happy and ignore it like everyone else does". Those things broke me down.

Through this I have found out who genuinely cared about me and who didn't. I've lost relationships I'd never thought I'd lose and gained relationships that I never thought I'd gain. And now I can look back and say that I am happy that that happened. I'm okay with loosing those people. I now know the people who actually do care. Who want to be a part of my life whether I am happy or sad. And I can't thank God enough for those people.

Multiple people who I didn't think would ever hurt me put me into this depression. It was a long two years and in fact, I'm not fully out of this depression, I'm not sure when I will be. God is working through me and through other people to work on me and my heart to make sure I will be happy again. I am happy right now. This has been a learning process.

I am here to let you know that if you are struggling with depression, you are not the only one. I am here to listen to you and to pray for you. Depression got the best of me for over 2 years. I don't want anyone to experience that.

I have never actually been diagnosed with depression. But there is something about depression that someone knows about themselves that they know when they are depressed.

Alright, I'm done ranting. Feel free to comment, email (ayoungmissionarysheart97@gmail.com) and id be happy to help you.

God bless and much love,
Dakota